I watched an interesting movie the other night with my husband. It was a movie of a loving family who is almost torn apart by the challenges of dealing with their son's epilepsy. It is stressful enough dealing with the daily grand mal seizures that bring him close to death on more than one occasion. But, in addition, this young boy endures experimental treatments with numerous untested and unproven drugs, some with horrendous side effects which make the boy sicker, with the risk of major retardation or even death. Doctors also try to coerce the parents into exploratory brain surgery for their son, which would involve removing his scalp. The risks of surgery could include permanent damage or death.
After all of this heartache and suffering, and after watching her son deal with one side effect of the drugs after another, the mother does some research and discovers a treatment that could be used on her son: a special diet to help control his seizures. She asks the doctor about trying the diet and the doctor is reluctant.
The mother requests that they at least try it so that their son could have one more chance before having to resort to surgery.
The doctor refuses to help.
Eventually, with the help of a friend who is also a medical doctor, they are able to fly the boy to Johns Hopkins Medical Center and begin this controversial diet. The diet is strict and regimented, but ends up helping this boy to become free from side effects of these drugs as he is slowly weaned from them. (It turns out that this diet works for many children with epilepsy.) He is treated like a normal boy by the doctors at John Hopkins, and eventually he resumes his normal life and stays seizure-free.
For some reason this reminded me of something that we as humans do every day. We often look for the difficult ways to deal with our problems first -- before the most obvious or the most simple.
This family didn’t have the necessary information to help their son because the doctors only gave them the information that THEY wanted to use and nothing else and were not open minded enough to use anything else, for their own selfish reasons and at great detriment to this young boy’s life and his family’s quality of life.
The doctors had been trained to use only one way of treatment and were stubborn and close-minded and unable to use or try anything else. How often are we like that -- unbending and unwilling to do something different than what we have always done? How often do we keep doing the same thing over and over and continue to get the same undesired results each time?
This reminds me of a scripture that has been on my heart lately,
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." {Matthew 11:28-30}
This makes me think that often our answers to our problems, no matter how small or great often can have easy solutions…. Such as calling on the Lord for rest and laying our burdens completely at his feet. How many times do we struggle and whine and complain and moan that things are so hard but we ourselves are the ones making them harder by not looking for the simpler solution? What are we laden with? Sin, fear, care, remorse, fear of death, etc.
What is our answer to these problems? JESUS!
Why are we often so afraid to do that easy thing and place our rest and our cares at His feet and put them in His hands so that He may carry them for us? Why do we think we can do it all on our own? Why do we think we can save ourselves without Him?
I think that taking his yoke upon us refers to those who are saved. They will receive their rest in Jesus Christ. If they are not saved, they will receive rest if they call on Him. But the rest he provides is everlasting. It transcends all fear, death, pain, sin, remorse.
If our hearts are knit with Christ, His burden IS light and His yoke IS easy! We are the ones that make it hard by not believing Him and accepting Him as our Savior!
"For by grace are ye saved, through faith, not of works lest any man should boast. It is the gift of God."
We come up with the extra rules and the special rules and the super-special rules {as the Pharisees did} instead of following Jesus with our hearts and completely turning our hearts over to Him and letting Him lead us so that we may actually rest and have a light burden!
Why do we do this?
In our world of modern technology, with the click of a mouse we have instant information at our finger tips and often we rely on that before we ever rely on the Lord.
Instead of turning to worldly advice and voices, we should heed the simple plan of Jesus.
"Thou if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation." {Romans 10:9-10}
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Family Reunion!
We had a great week in Utah spending time with my Mom and her husband Keith and daughter Martha and my brothers and their families. It was so great to see everyone again and we hope we will see them again soon! It had been too long!
Here are some pics of the reunion! Enjoy!
The Gregg and Janice Parry family
Our Family under Mom's tree in the front yard
From left to right: Leah {found a pink parasol and had to have it in the picture!}, Jeff {holding Nathan}, Michael, Hannah, Elisabeth, Me, and Susanna is in the front.
Brenton, Staci, Tyler, and Jacob
Beloved Oldemor [grandma- My Dad's mom}
Travis, Angela, Jacob, Kayla, and Ryan singing for the talent show!
Clayton, leading the kids in water games!
My favorite pic of my honey Jeff and my daughter Susanna.
Martha {Keith's daughter], age 6, reciting a poem for the talent show!
Michael, Elisabeth, and Hannah performing "As I Have Loved You" in sign language, led by their Mom. Susanna is in the front goofing off and Leah lost interest and wandered off. :]
Cousins: Logan {Brenton and Staci's son} and Ryan {Travis and Angela's son} playing chess!
Michael, age 7, reciting "The Caterpillar" by Christina G. Rosetti at the family talent show.
Clayton and Dani, married for a year and expecting baby #1!
Travis and Angela, adorable! {married for 6 1/2 years}
Brenton and Staci, so cute {married for 7 years!}
Our son Michael {7} Oldefar {Great-Grandpa} playing a mean game of chess! It's all in the genes! :}
Tyler and Logan {Brenton and Staci's boys} doing the E.T. walk at the talent show! No stage fright here!
Tyler, Elisabeth, and Hannah getting wet!
Mom and Keith, just being themselves!
Me, Jeron, Jeff, Brenton, and Staci lined up for outside water games!
Oldemor {great-grandma, my Dad's mom}, My Mom, and grandkids!
Angela {Travis's wife} and Staci {Brenton's wife}, the gourmet chefs!
Aren't we all beautiful? Yes, and we know it! :}
Here are some pics of the reunion! Enjoy!
The Gregg and Janice Parry family
Our Family under Mom's tree in the front yard
From left to right: Leah {found a pink parasol and had to have it in the picture!}, Jeff {holding Nathan}, Michael, Hannah, Elisabeth, Me, and Susanna is in the front.
Brenton, Staci, Tyler, and Jacob
Beloved Oldemor [grandma- My Dad's mom}
Travis, Angela, Jacob, Kayla, and Ryan singing for the talent show!
Clayton, leading the kids in water games!
My favorite pic of my honey Jeff and my daughter Susanna.
Martha {Keith's daughter], age 6, reciting a poem for the talent show!
Michael, Elisabeth, and Hannah performing "As I Have Loved You" in sign language, led by their Mom. Susanna is in the front goofing off and Leah lost interest and wandered off. :]
Cousins: Logan {Brenton and Staci's son} and Ryan {Travis and Angela's son} playing chess!
Michael, age 7, reciting "The Caterpillar" by Christina G. Rosetti at the family talent show.
Clayton and Dani, married for a year and expecting baby #1!
Travis and Angela, adorable! {married for 6 1/2 years}
Brenton and Staci, so cute {married for 7 years!}
Our son Michael {7} Oldefar {Great-Grandpa} playing a mean game of chess! It's all in the genes! :}
Tyler and Logan {Brenton and Staci's boys} doing the E.T. walk at the talent show! No stage fright here!
Tyler, Elisabeth, and Hannah getting wet!
Mom and Keith, just being themselves!
Me, Jeron, Jeff, Brenton, and Staci lined up for outside water games!
Oldemor {great-grandma, my Dad's mom}, My Mom, and grandkids!
Angela {Travis's wife} and Staci {Brenton's wife}, the gourmet chefs!
Aren't we all beautiful? Yes, and we know it! :}
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
25 Things You Didn't Know About Me
1. My husband was my first kiss! He is my best friend.
2. When I was little, I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.
3. I have sung at over 100 weddings, funerals, church events, plays, programs, etc.
4. I had the lead role in my high school musical which was a 60's spin off of Alice in Wonderland.
7. I was one of the most popular girls in my 6th grade class in elementary school and then when a squabble erupted I was disposed of and bullied for two months by my "friends". {This led to my switching schools where I made lifelong friends! I love Sycamore Elementary School! :}
8. My favorite teacher of all time in high school, Phyllis, was my mentor in every way and she helped propel my love affair with the classics!
9. When I was 19, I lived on Long Island and visited New York City alone every weekend for two months and saw every musical on Broadway that I could afford!
10. I have only had milk once in my life and it was nasty!
11. I haven't ever had any meat in my life until a few years ago.
12. I can swing dance and I love it! {Now that my husband has taken lessons we can swing together!}
13. My first crush was Blake Boulter.
14. I once jumped off a friend's sailboat with my friends and swam in the middle of the ocean! {Yes I was terrified of sharks... we didn't stay in the water long!}
15. I met my husband at my best friend's wedding. My best friend and her husband set us up.
16. I got in trouble in Elementary School for helping out my friends with their school work when I was done with mine.
17. I got detention in Jr. High for reading a book during class. {Oh yeah I'm such a rebel. Gotta love our messed up educational system.}
18. In 7th grade a 250+ page novel that I was writing was stolen and never found.
19. I have had 2 cesarean sections. One almost ended in my death due to complications with anesthesia. That was my introduction to motherhood.
15. I have had 4 natural births. The last one almost ended in my death due to hemorrhaging. That was my end to childbearing.
16. I have 6 adorable children that make my heart hurt every day!
17. I should have been a mother to 7 children. My first pregnancy was twins and one baby died. Hannah survived barely.
18. We homeschool our children using the Thomas Jefferson Education philosophy and we love it! {Just got back from a 2 day seminar!}
19. I teach childbirth classes privately and in groups and I LOVE it!
20. I am apprenticing with a homebirth midwife and I love that too! 12 days ago I attended the birth of one of my dearest friends.
21. I went cliff diving with my cousins when I was 15.
22. I shared a room with my great-grandmother for a few years when I was little and she lived with us. She fascinated me with stories about her life.
23. I saved my friend and I from being attacked by some men attempting to break into our car.
24. I went to Denmark when I was 10 with my parents and my brother and I learned to speak Danish.
25. In 10th grade my best friend and I learned sign language and we communicated all through English class without talking. We still got in trouble!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Books Made Before 1985 BANNED!
Commission Announces Major Changes to Child Product Safety Rules
February 9, 2009
Introduction
HSLDA met on Wednesday with Commissioner Thomas Moore, of the Consumer Product Safety Commission, to discuss the law imposing strict limitations on lead and phthalates in children’s products. The proposed regulations had persuaded many small family businesses to shut their doors and cease production. We are pleased to report that CPSC announced numerous changes to their regulations. Home School Legal Defense Association is satisfied with the meeting and its aftermath and remains strongly convinced that no small business should close down because of the lead requirements, which take effect February 10.
Changes made by the Commission
Last Friday, the CPSC declared numerous changes in their regulations, including the following exemptions that correspond with requests made by HSLDA in our meeting with Commissioner Moore:
* An exemption for certain natural materials such as wood, cotton, wool, and certain metals and alloys that rarely contain lead;
* An exemption for ordinary children's books printed after 1985;*
* An exemption for textiles, dyed or undyed (not including leather, vinyl, or PVC) and non-metallic thread and trim used in children's apparel and other fabric products, such as baby blankets.
* HSLDA asked for an exemption for all books. Commissioner Moore argues, however, that the ink in books prior to the 1980s did contain lead.1
Prosecution under the law, the CPSC announced, will ensue only if “someone had actual knowledge that one of these children’s products contained more than 600 ppm lead or continued to make, import, distribute or sell such a product after being put on notice.”2 In fact, according to Commissioner Moore, manufacturers will not be prosecuted for violating the law during the one-year postponement of testing requirements (lasting till February 10, 2010), unless their products actually cause an injury or have the potential to hurt someone.3 Moore further assured HSLDA that small businesses, in particular, will have nothing to worry about. “Historically, we haven’t gone after these kinds of businesses,” he told HSLDA, “not cottage industries.”
HSLDA hopes that these policies, along with the Commission’s yearlong postponement of testing requirements, will provide significant relief to family businesses and providers to the homeschool community.
Conclusion
“If there is one message a small manufacturer should take from the Commission’s action [of delaying testing requirements] it is this,” Commissioner Moore said: “If you have been making products without receiving any safety-related complaints, you should go on selling your products.” This will remain true for at least until February 10, 2010. Even beyond this date, HSLDA is confident of the future of small businesses under this law, and is grateful to the Commission for its cooperation and its sensitivity to the needs of family businesses.
Additional Information
CPSC Spells Out Enforcement Policy for New Lead Limits in Children’s Products Effective February 10
Statement of Commissioner Thomas Moore on the one-year extension of testing requirements (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader)
Statement of Acting Chairman Nancy Nord on the one-year extension of testing requirements (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader)
Notes
1. Thomas Moore, letter to Senators Rockefeller and Pryor, and Representatives Waxman and Rush, http://www.cpsc.gov/PR/Moore020309.pdf (February 3, 2009), p. 4
February 9, 2009
Introduction
HSLDA met on Wednesday with Commissioner Thomas Moore, of the Consumer Product Safety Commission, to discuss the law imposing strict limitations on lead and phthalates in children’s products. The proposed regulations had persuaded many small family businesses to shut their doors and cease production. We are pleased to report that CPSC announced numerous changes to their regulations. Home School Legal Defense Association is satisfied with the meeting and its aftermath and remains strongly convinced that no small business should close down because of the lead requirements, which take effect February 10.
Changes made by the Commission
Last Friday, the CPSC declared numerous changes in their regulations, including the following exemptions that correspond with requests made by HSLDA in our meeting with Commissioner Moore:
* An exemption for certain natural materials such as wood, cotton, wool, and certain metals and alloys that rarely contain lead;
* An exemption for ordinary children's books printed after 1985;*
* An exemption for textiles, dyed or undyed (not including leather, vinyl, or PVC) and non-metallic thread and trim used in children's apparel and other fabric products, such as baby blankets.
* HSLDA asked for an exemption for all books. Commissioner Moore argues, however, that the ink in books prior to the 1980s did contain lead.1
Prosecution under the law, the CPSC announced, will ensue only if “someone had actual knowledge that one of these children’s products contained more than 600 ppm lead or continued to make, import, distribute or sell such a product after being put on notice.”2 In fact, according to Commissioner Moore, manufacturers will not be prosecuted for violating the law during the one-year postponement of testing requirements (lasting till February 10, 2010), unless their products actually cause an injury or have the potential to hurt someone.3 Moore further assured HSLDA that small businesses, in particular, will have nothing to worry about. “Historically, we haven’t gone after these kinds of businesses,” he told HSLDA, “not cottage industries.”
HSLDA hopes that these policies, along with the Commission’s yearlong postponement of testing requirements, will provide significant relief to family businesses and providers to the homeschool community.
Conclusion
“If there is one message a small manufacturer should take from the Commission’s action [of delaying testing requirements] it is this,” Commissioner Moore said: “If you have been making products without receiving any safety-related complaints, you should go on selling your products.” This will remain true for at least until February 10, 2010. Even beyond this date, HSLDA is confident of the future of small businesses under this law, and is grateful to the Commission for its cooperation and its sensitivity to the needs of family businesses.
Additional Information
CPSC Spells Out Enforcement Policy for New Lead Limits in Children’s Products Effective February 10
Statement of Commissioner Thomas Moore on the one-year extension of testing requirements (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader)
Statement of Acting Chairman Nancy Nord on the one-year extension of testing requirements (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader)
Notes
1. Thomas Moore, letter to Senators Rockefeller and Pryor, and Representatives Waxman and Rush, http://www.cpsc.gov/PR/Moore020309.pdf (February 3, 2009), p. 4
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Three Years Ago Today
Originally Posted: January 10, 2009
Three Years Ago Today....
I was waking up in a hospital bed, having spent half of the night contracting, crying, receiving a priesthood blessing from my husband and OB, and talking with my doula all about my Dad.
Earlier that afternoon,on the 9th of January 2006, I had gone into the Army hospital for a routine ultrasound scan. {I don't usually agree to routine ultrasounds as the research does not show that ultrasounds are considered safe} however with my PKU the growth of the baby was important to keep an eye on. So I went in and did an ultrasound and the ultrasonographer made no indication that there was a problem. Not one word. I waited for the doctor and while walking down the hallway with him {not my regular doctor, just some resident}, he said that the fluid level in my uterus was so low that he was going to walk me to Labor and Delivery right away to induce me right then. I had to relax and try not to laugh. This resident didn't know who he was dealing with. No one would be inducing me without my consent or without giving me more information. I went into Labor and Delivery and requested to see my regular doctor, Dr. S, who also happened to be LDS and be in our old ward down in Lacey where we used to live. I requested that he repeat the ultrasound, as the resident said my fluid level was at a 4. {Normal fluid level is usually above 8 all the way up to 16}. Dr. S repeated the ultrasound and he found only a level of 2 for my fluid. {Lack of fluid can mean baby's kidneys aren't functioning properly as the fluid comes from baby's urine or it can mean that the water has broken. It can also mean that there is some kind of abnormality}. Dr. S recommended I go to the Labor and Delivery floor and be induced right away. I requested a swab to check if my water had broken. He did the swab and it hadn't. I then told Dr. S that since the baby was not in immediate distress that I would like to go home and get things arranged for our children to have care, to get my bags, and prepare everything, eat and drink some more and then come back. He agreed and said he couldn't keep me there and asked me to be back for an induction in two hours. I left, feeling totally sure that this was a fluke and that I wouldn't be having an induction or anything anytime soon.
I went home, surprised at this turn of events, not happy with deciding to be induced or not, as my last two inductions ended with major surgery and almost one dead baby and dead Mommy. I didn't want to go there again. I prayed all the way home and oddly I felt peace. My doula got prepared and I went home to make preparations.
I got home and my husband and I got our kids situated with a good loving family whose daughters were our regular babysitters. The kids were so excited to be with them! We spent an hour of time alone as a family one last time, ate dinner and drank some more water to get hydrated. I called my parents and updated them on what was happening. Mom handed the phone to Dad as he was preparing for a bike ride. It was getting windy and dark and Dad was going to go on a bike ride by himself. I told Mom to make sure that Dad took a friend with him. She said he would. Dad got on the phone and I told him what was going on, "We know you know how to do this, Steph. Break a leg! I love you." I said goodbye and didn't realize then that that was the last time I would hear my Dad's voice.
After taking pictures of my pregnant belly, which I was grateful and sad to soon be rid of, we packed up the car to get ready to leave. On the way to the hospital, I thought about my grandparents and realized that I hadn't called and told them about us going to be induced. So I called them next. Grandpa answered the phone. Knowing that Grandma usually answers the phone, I remember thinking how odd that was at first. I didn't know at the time that Grandma was slumped down on her bed crying. I told him about us going to have the baby. He said that was great and congratulations! He also said that he and Grandma were praying for us. A few moments later he said, "Stephanie, your Daddy died." I couldn't believe what I heard. "What?" I nearly shouted into the phone. "Your Daddy had a heart attack while he was on a bike ride and he died." Grandpa started crying and I was so in shock and started crying so hard that I hung up the phone. I felt bad for hanging up on Grandpa but I couldn't speak anymore. I sobbed all the way to the hospital while my husband was driving and I managed to gasp out to Jeff, "Dad died. Heart attack." Poor Jeff could hardly drive, his eyes were watery too. I felt physical pain in my chest and in my gut. I kept trying to hold myself and cry and wanting to get away from the pain. I had a few contractions and barely noticed them. I kept remembering my conversation with Dad just an hour ago. How could he have been gone? I just talked with him! This all seemed like a bad joke. As we got to the hospital and I got out of the car, I got out and Jeff came around and hugged me while I cried and he cried. At this moment in my life as I was searching for answers to some major questions in my life, I had wanted to call and talk with my Dad the night before but I didn't, because I thought it was too late at night to call. How I wish I had. "It's not fair," I said. "Dad knows the truth now and I still don't." Jeff replied, "Your Dad LIVED the truth." I didn't like the past tense, it reminded me that he wasn't here anymore. It still felt like a bad dream. I late learned that before I called Grandpa and Grandma, they had been on their knees in prayer and they had heard a voice that said, "Gregg is sending the baby." They didn't know at that point yet that I was going to the hospital to have the baby.
A few seconds later my OB called my cell phone wanting to know why we were late coming to the hospital. I told him that I just learned that my father passed away very unexpectedly and I needed a few minutes. He said to take my time. We called our doula Kristina and updated her as well. She was almost to the hospital and I told her about my Dad. K was not just our doula, but also a good friend. When we got to the hospital, they had a private room waiting for us so we could be alone.
We were given an hour alone in privacy and I was able to call my brother and get some more details about Dad and what happened. When I learned that everyone at home was able to say goodbye to Dad and be together for support I was upset that I was so far away. My brother was frustrated too. We were still in shock, but everyone else was able to see Dad and say goodbye. I have never felt so alone and heartbroken in my life. Thinking about giving birth was ridiculous. How in the world could I give birth to a baby in this condition? Even as I asked the question, I knew that I could. I was just struck with the unfairness of having to give birth while in the middle of so much grief. How was I going to handle it?
An hour after we arrived, Dr. S and two other Residents arrived, offered their condolences, and then explained that normally in this type of situation that an induction would be postponed but because of the seriousness of how low my fluid was that they still needed to induce me tonight. I requested another ultrasound as I had been drinking a lot of water. Thankfully, this time they found 7 cm of fluid! Yeah! That was almost normal! And much higher than before. One doctor wanted to induce. The other wasn't sure. I then said, "Since my fluid level is higher and the baby is not in distress, I would like to hold off on the induction. I can stay overnight and keep hydrated and we can check the fluid levels again in the morning." All three doctors were in agreement and seemed alright with that arrangement. I was grateful for a delay, as I didn't relish the emotional anguish it would be to give birth on the same day that my Dad died. I wanted that day to be reserved for him. I wanted my baby to have her own day. I needed some more time too. Not to mention I just wanted to go home. Being induced again scared me and I was terrified of ending up with another cesarean section or worse.
We were moved into an antenatal room which was more comfortable, ordered dinner, and then I called my Mom finally. She and I just cried and she said she was sorry and that she didn't want me to know until I had the baby. I told her that it was better that I know and everything would be fine. She started talking about me coming to the funeral and singing at it. My mind wasn't even at that point yet. I couldn't think about that yet. Not until I had the baby at least anyways.
My husband and Dr. S gave me a blessing then and I was told that the birth would be quick and would be healthy and everything I hoped for, that I would be comforted and our baby would bring us much joy even in our sorrow and would bring joy to others. I needed to hear that. I don't know how much I believed it, but it was nice to hear anyways.
We had dinner, talked a little bit, and my husband finally went to sleep as he had been working all day. My doula and I stayed up and talked about my Dad and I shared stories of him with her and told her what he was like. I had quite a few contractions and eventually we all fell asleep.
So then three years ago today, I woke up and in came the Resident OB, the female, who wasn't very nice actually. She woke up on the wrong side of the bed it seemed. She came in and woke me up by throwing up my shirt and proceeding to do an ultrasound even while I was still asleep. Not even a hello. How disrespectful of her. She was checking for fluid and found only 4 cm this time. "4 cm today. Looks like you'll be getting induced." And then she left. Hmmmph I didn't appreciate her attitude nor did I trust her judgment with that kind of attitude. So I requested another ultrasound by Dr. S. He took his time for a good half hour... and found 3 cm of fluid. We discussed options of induction, risks of not inducing, and then discussed options of how to induce labor... being that I was a VBAC we could not use pitocin since that could cause a uterine rupture if we weren't careful. Just talking about this scared me. I talked this over with my doula and my husband. They both thought I should be induced but I was afraid of ending up the same way I had been before. I reviewed the information that I had and in my gut I felt like inducing was the right thing to do. I still was terrified though. K, my doula, then said, "This is a different baby, a different birth. It doesn't have to be the same way it was before. This will be the birth where you were induced and had a healthy, beautiful normal birth." And she was right. This was different. That mindset really helped me to see things in a different light.
So I was induced with a foley catheter. The pressure from it causes the cervix to dilate. At 12 noon I called my Mom and updated her on what was going on and she said that everyone would pray for me. I knew I wouldn't be alone. My husband left to go get groceries so we would have food to come home to after the birth was over and so our children could eat. I was expecting a long labor as I was being induced.
Contractions started at about 1 pm and by then I had my friend K and my cousin-in-law N coming to visit me. Contractions started fast and hard. They came quickly and got very intense very quick. My friend K returned a necklace to me that I had given her when she gave birth... it was a mother and baby necklace. I wore it as I labored, hoping silently that I wouldn't need to take it off to go to the O.R. for a cesarean later.
I labored standing up, leaning over, holding onto my husband quite a bit as soon as he arrived back to the hospital, and on my hands and knees. I had my husband and N and K all holding a hand and offering counter pressure on my back and I labored and I remember at one point thinking how grateful I was for each one of them and that I couldn't have done this without them.
Then I felt a pop and my water broke inside with the foley catheter still in. The foley acted like a cork and kept the water inside. The doctor told us that when the foley would fall out I would be about 3 cm dilated and then I would labor the rest of the way on my own to 10 cm. With as intense as my labor was, I didn't believe him. I knew when it fell out, I would be done. I thought of my Dad many many times during those contractions. I thought of his words to me, "You know how to do this, Steph. Break a leg!" I felt like he was cheering me on, giving me strength, even when reaching the end of my rope at the point of no-return that every laboring woman reaches in labor land where she feels she can't go on any longer. I remember telling my doula to get the nurse, that I was done and wanted an epidural now. {I didn't really want an epidural and never would have agreed to one because the last one I had almost killed me, but at that point I just wanted the pain to be over!} When the nurse came back in, my foley fell out and in one giant contraction the baby slipped all the way down into the birth canal and I started to push. I told the nurse I was pushing now and she got the OB who came to check me and couldn't believe I could push yet because the foley just fell out. He said I would only be 3 cm and it would take hours more for me to be completely dilated. I told him I didn't care, that her head was right there and to please move his hand! I was on my hands and knees at this point. Dr. S was amazed that I really was completely dilated. One push and out her head started to come... and I thought, "Shoot! I don't want to do this again!" I remembered my Dad's words again and somewhere out there I heard my husband's voice telling me to just listen to my body and push when I felt like pushing. A resident doctor from somewhere came in and asked if he could watch and I said, a little irritated, "I don't care. Just give me some room." With the next contraction I pushed out my baby's head and boy did that hurt! Youch! I forgot about the pain! I didn't have to push again... her body literally just fell into the air and Dr. S caught her before she landed on the bed. I had instant relief and I just sat on my knees, praying and crying "It's over... it's over..." and hearing my husband say, "It's a girl! We have another girl!"
I cried some more and then I turned over onto my feet in a squatting position and held our baby girl and started to nurse her. Dr. S and the resident doctor waited while I delivered the placenta. They wanted to pull it out by the cord, but my husband had said that I would deliver it myself. So I did. The resident doctor was surprised and asked why I wanted to deliver the placenta myself and I said, "Because I don't want to hemorrhage." Then he replied, "I thought all women hemorrhage?" My reply back was, "Not if you let the placenta come when it's ready." The placenta delivered and I was honored to see this amazing organ that fed and cared for our baby for the past 9 months supplying her with blood, nutrients, vitamins and minerals, and vital oxygen. I couldn't help thinking about Dad again, wondering if he was watching and seeing what was happening, wondering if he knew that his grandchild was just born? We had a beautiful time together taking pictures, looking over our baby, getting to know her, nursing her, picking out a name for her. We had planned on naming her Emma Christine, but also considered Susanna. As we looked at her big blue eyes, light red hair, and beautiful pink cheeks, she looked more like a Susanna. Susanna is from the Greek form of the Hebrew name Shoshana, traditionally translated as "lily" or occasionally as "rose". Christine for was for my great-grandmother, Ellareave Christine Petersen Parry... so she was officially named Susanna Christine Coleman, my Dad's 9th grandchild.
She had been born by 2:30 pm in the afternoon, just an hour and a half after contractions started. She had come down the birth canal after the foley fell out which dilated me from 3 cm to 10 cm in one contraction. It was the most wild, amazing, strangest feeling in the world. {Little did I know that I had family somewhere in California praying for my baby to come quickly and easily so that I could come to the funeral in a few days! Thanks a lot guys for a wild birth, I owe it all to you!}
I called Mom and gave her the good news and I had her call and tell everyone for me. I was too exhausted and tired to call everyone. I wanted to enjoy those moments with our baby before I had to face the grief and the goodbyes. Life really is a circle and as one leaves this earthly life, another enters. I believe Dad knew Susanna was going to be born and I truly believe he was there.
Today is January 10th. Our beautiful rose girl is now 3 years old. Today is a special, bittersweet day of memories. We are so grateful for Susanna. We are blessed to have her with us for as long as we are privileged to have her with us. We celebrate this day, her life, while honoring and remembering her Grandpa.
Love,
Stephanie
Three Years Ago Today....
I was waking up in a hospital bed, having spent half of the night contracting, crying, receiving a priesthood blessing from my husband and OB, and talking with my doula all about my Dad.
Earlier that afternoon,on the 9th of January 2006, I had gone into the Army hospital for a routine ultrasound scan. {I don't usually agree to routine ultrasounds as the research does not show that ultrasounds are considered safe} however with my PKU the growth of the baby was important to keep an eye on. So I went in and did an ultrasound and the ultrasonographer made no indication that there was a problem. Not one word. I waited for the doctor and while walking down the hallway with him {not my regular doctor, just some resident}, he said that the fluid level in my uterus was so low that he was going to walk me to Labor and Delivery right away to induce me right then. I had to relax and try not to laugh. This resident didn't know who he was dealing with. No one would be inducing me without my consent or without giving me more information. I went into Labor and Delivery and requested to see my regular doctor, Dr. S, who also happened to be LDS and be in our old ward down in Lacey where we used to live. I requested that he repeat the ultrasound, as the resident said my fluid level was at a 4. {Normal fluid level is usually above 8 all the way up to 16}. Dr. S repeated the ultrasound and he found only a level of 2 for my fluid. {Lack of fluid can mean baby's kidneys aren't functioning properly as the fluid comes from baby's urine or it can mean that the water has broken. It can also mean that there is some kind of abnormality}. Dr. S recommended I go to the Labor and Delivery floor and be induced right away. I requested a swab to check if my water had broken. He did the swab and it hadn't. I then told Dr. S that since the baby was not in immediate distress that I would like to go home and get things arranged for our children to have care, to get my bags, and prepare everything, eat and drink some more and then come back. He agreed and said he couldn't keep me there and asked me to be back for an induction in two hours. I left, feeling totally sure that this was a fluke and that I wouldn't be having an induction or anything anytime soon.
I went home, surprised at this turn of events, not happy with deciding to be induced or not, as my last two inductions ended with major surgery and almost one dead baby and dead Mommy. I didn't want to go there again. I prayed all the way home and oddly I felt peace. My doula got prepared and I went home to make preparations.
I got home and my husband and I got our kids situated with a good loving family whose daughters were our regular babysitters. The kids were so excited to be with them! We spent an hour of time alone as a family one last time, ate dinner and drank some more water to get hydrated. I called my parents and updated them on what was happening. Mom handed the phone to Dad as he was preparing for a bike ride. It was getting windy and dark and Dad was going to go on a bike ride by himself. I told Mom to make sure that Dad took a friend with him. She said he would. Dad got on the phone and I told him what was going on, "We know you know how to do this, Steph. Break a leg! I love you." I said goodbye and didn't realize then that that was the last time I would hear my Dad's voice.
After taking pictures of my pregnant belly, which I was grateful and sad to soon be rid of, we packed up the car to get ready to leave. On the way to the hospital, I thought about my grandparents and realized that I hadn't called and told them about us going to be induced. So I called them next. Grandpa answered the phone. Knowing that Grandma usually answers the phone, I remember thinking how odd that was at first. I didn't know at the time that Grandma was slumped down on her bed crying. I told him about us going to have the baby. He said that was great and congratulations! He also said that he and Grandma were praying for us. A few moments later he said, "Stephanie, your Daddy died." I couldn't believe what I heard. "What?" I nearly shouted into the phone. "Your Daddy had a heart attack while he was on a bike ride and he died." Grandpa started crying and I was so in shock and started crying so hard that I hung up the phone. I felt bad for hanging up on Grandpa but I couldn't speak anymore. I sobbed all the way to the hospital while my husband was driving and I managed to gasp out to Jeff, "Dad died. Heart attack." Poor Jeff could hardly drive, his eyes were watery too. I felt physical pain in my chest and in my gut. I kept trying to hold myself and cry and wanting to get away from the pain. I had a few contractions and barely noticed them. I kept remembering my conversation with Dad just an hour ago. How could he have been gone? I just talked with him! This all seemed like a bad joke. As we got to the hospital and I got out of the car, I got out and Jeff came around and hugged me while I cried and he cried. At this moment in my life as I was searching for answers to some major questions in my life, I had wanted to call and talk with my Dad the night before but I didn't, because I thought it was too late at night to call. How I wish I had. "It's not fair," I said. "Dad knows the truth now and I still don't." Jeff replied, "Your Dad LIVED the truth." I didn't like the past tense, it reminded me that he wasn't here anymore. It still felt like a bad dream. I late learned that before I called Grandpa and Grandma, they had been on their knees in prayer and they had heard a voice that said, "Gregg is sending the baby." They didn't know at that point yet that I was going to the hospital to have the baby.
A few seconds later my OB called my cell phone wanting to know why we were late coming to the hospital. I told him that I just learned that my father passed away very unexpectedly and I needed a few minutes. He said to take my time. We called our doula Kristina and updated her as well. She was almost to the hospital and I told her about my Dad. K was not just our doula, but also a good friend. When we got to the hospital, they had a private room waiting for us so we could be alone.
We were given an hour alone in privacy and I was able to call my brother and get some more details about Dad and what happened. When I learned that everyone at home was able to say goodbye to Dad and be together for support I was upset that I was so far away. My brother was frustrated too. We were still in shock, but everyone else was able to see Dad and say goodbye. I have never felt so alone and heartbroken in my life. Thinking about giving birth was ridiculous. How in the world could I give birth to a baby in this condition? Even as I asked the question, I knew that I could. I was just struck with the unfairness of having to give birth while in the middle of so much grief. How was I going to handle it?
An hour after we arrived, Dr. S and two other Residents arrived, offered their condolences, and then explained that normally in this type of situation that an induction would be postponed but because of the seriousness of how low my fluid was that they still needed to induce me tonight. I requested another ultrasound as I had been drinking a lot of water. Thankfully, this time they found 7 cm of fluid! Yeah! That was almost normal! And much higher than before. One doctor wanted to induce. The other wasn't sure. I then said, "Since my fluid level is higher and the baby is not in distress, I would like to hold off on the induction. I can stay overnight and keep hydrated and we can check the fluid levels again in the morning." All three doctors were in agreement and seemed alright with that arrangement. I was grateful for a delay, as I didn't relish the emotional anguish it would be to give birth on the same day that my Dad died. I wanted that day to be reserved for him. I wanted my baby to have her own day. I needed some more time too. Not to mention I just wanted to go home. Being induced again scared me and I was terrified of ending up with another cesarean section or worse.
We were moved into an antenatal room which was more comfortable, ordered dinner, and then I called my Mom finally. She and I just cried and she said she was sorry and that she didn't want me to know until I had the baby. I told her that it was better that I know and everything would be fine. She started talking about me coming to the funeral and singing at it. My mind wasn't even at that point yet. I couldn't think about that yet. Not until I had the baby at least anyways.
My husband and Dr. S gave me a blessing then and I was told that the birth would be quick and would be healthy and everything I hoped for, that I would be comforted and our baby would bring us much joy even in our sorrow and would bring joy to others. I needed to hear that. I don't know how much I believed it, but it was nice to hear anyways.
We had dinner, talked a little bit, and my husband finally went to sleep as he had been working all day. My doula and I stayed up and talked about my Dad and I shared stories of him with her and told her what he was like. I had quite a few contractions and eventually we all fell asleep.
So then three years ago today, I woke up and in came the Resident OB, the female, who wasn't very nice actually. She woke up on the wrong side of the bed it seemed. She came in and woke me up by throwing up my shirt and proceeding to do an ultrasound even while I was still asleep. Not even a hello. How disrespectful of her. She was checking for fluid and found only 4 cm this time. "4 cm today. Looks like you'll be getting induced." And then she left. Hmmmph I didn't appreciate her attitude nor did I trust her judgment with that kind of attitude. So I requested another ultrasound by Dr. S. He took his time for a good half hour... and found 3 cm of fluid. We discussed options of induction, risks of not inducing, and then discussed options of how to induce labor... being that I was a VBAC we could not use pitocin since that could cause a uterine rupture if we weren't careful. Just talking about this scared me. I talked this over with my doula and my husband. They both thought I should be induced but I was afraid of ending up the same way I had been before. I reviewed the information that I had and in my gut I felt like inducing was the right thing to do. I still was terrified though. K, my doula, then said, "This is a different baby, a different birth. It doesn't have to be the same way it was before. This will be the birth where you were induced and had a healthy, beautiful normal birth." And she was right. This was different. That mindset really helped me to see things in a different light.
So I was induced with a foley catheter. The pressure from it causes the cervix to dilate. At 12 noon I called my Mom and updated her on what was going on and she said that everyone would pray for me. I knew I wouldn't be alone. My husband left to go get groceries so we would have food to come home to after the birth was over and so our children could eat. I was expecting a long labor as I was being induced.
Contractions started at about 1 pm and by then I had my friend K and my cousin-in-law N coming to visit me. Contractions started fast and hard. They came quickly and got very intense very quick. My friend K returned a necklace to me that I had given her when she gave birth... it was a mother and baby necklace. I wore it as I labored, hoping silently that I wouldn't need to take it off to go to the O.R. for a cesarean later.
I labored standing up, leaning over, holding onto my husband quite a bit as soon as he arrived back to the hospital, and on my hands and knees. I had my husband and N and K all holding a hand and offering counter pressure on my back and I labored and I remember at one point thinking how grateful I was for each one of them and that I couldn't have done this without them.
Then I felt a pop and my water broke inside with the foley catheter still in. The foley acted like a cork and kept the water inside. The doctor told us that when the foley would fall out I would be about 3 cm dilated and then I would labor the rest of the way on my own to 10 cm. With as intense as my labor was, I didn't believe him. I knew when it fell out, I would be done. I thought of my Dad many many times during those contractions. I thought of his words to me, "You know how to do this, Steph. Break a leg!" I felt like he was cheering me on, giving me strength, even when reaching the end of my rope at the point of no-return that every laboring woman reaches in labor land where she feels she can't go on any longer. I remember telling my doula to get the nurse, that I was done and wanted an epidural now. {I didn't really want an epidural and never would have agreed to one because the last one I had almost killed me, but at that point I just wanted the pain to be over!} When the nurse came back in, my foley fell out and in one giant contraction the baby slipped all the way down into the birth canal and I started to push. I told the nurse I was pushing now and she got the OB who came to check me and couldn't believe I could push yet because the foley just fell out. He said I would only be 3 cm and it would take hours more for me to be completely dilated. I told him I didn't care, that her head was right there and to please move his hand! I was on my hands and knees at this point. Dr. S was amazed that I really was completely dilated. One push and out her head started to come... and I thought, "Shoot! I don't want to do this again!" I remembered my Dad's words again and somewhere out there I heard my husband's voice telling me to just listen to my body and push when I felt like pushing. A resident doctor from somewhere came in and asked if he could watch and I said, a little irritated, "I don't care. Just give me some room." With the next contraction I pushed out my baby's head and boy did that hurt! Youch! I forgot about the pain! I didn't have to push again... her body literally just fell into the air and Dr. S caught her before she landed on the bed. I had instant relief and I just sat on my knees, praying and crying "It's over... it's over..." and hearing my husband say, "It's a girl! We have another girl!"
I cried some more and then I turned over onto my feet in a squatting position and held our baby girl and started to nurse her. Dr. S and the resident doctor waited while I delivered the placenta. They wanted to pull it out by the cord, but my husband had said that I would deliver it myself. So I did. The resident doctor was surprised and asked why I wanted to deliver the placenta myself and I said, "Because I don't want to hemorrhage." Then he replied, "I thought all women hemorrhage?" My reply back was, "Not if you let the placenta come when it's ready." The placenta delivered and I was honored to see this amazing organ that fed and cared for our baby for the past 9 months supplying her with blood, nutrients, vitamins and minerals, and vital oxygen. I couldn't help thinking about Dad again, wondering if he was watching and seeing what was happening, wondering if he knew that his grandchild was just born? We had a beautiful time together taking pictures, looking over our baby, getting to know her, nursing her, picking out a name for her. We had planned on naming her Emma Christine, but also considered Susanna. As we looked at her big blue eyes, light red hair, and beautiful pink cheeks, she looked more like a Susanna. Susanna is from the Greek form of the Hebrew name Shoshana, traditionally translated as "lily" or occasionally as "rose". Christine for was for my great-grandmother, Ellareave Christine Petersen Parry... so she was officially named Susanna Christine Coleman, my Dad's 9th grandchild.
She had been born by 2:30 pm in the afternoon, just an hour and a half after contractions started. She had come down the birth canal after the foley fell out which dilated me from 3 cm to 10 cm in one contraction. It was the most wild, amazing, strangest feeling in the world. {Little did I know that I had family somewhere in California praying for my baby to come quickly and easily so that I could come to the funeral in a few days! Thanks a lot guys for a wild birth, I owe it all to you!}
I called Mom and gave her the good news and I had her call and tell everyone for me. I was too exhausted and tired to call everyone. I wanted to enjoy those moments with our baby before I had to face the grief and the goodbyes. Life really is a circle and as one leaves this earthly life, another enters. I believe Dad knew Susanna was going to be born and I truly believe he was there.
Today is January 10th. Our beautiful rose girl is now 3 years old. Today is a special, bittersweet day of memories. We are so grateful for Susanna. We are blessed to have her with us for as long as we are privileged to have her with us. We celebrate this day, her life, while honoring and remembering her Grandpa.
Love,
Stephanie
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Year's Resolutions and an Update!
UPDATE: Due to some very unfortunate and sad circumstances involving a close friend of mine and the ensuing risk to mine and my family's safety, I had to put my blog to private for awhile and I apologize for anyone who was trying to see my blog at that time.
I am opening it back up again and going to post all the blog posts I originally meant to post but couldn't earlier!
So...
January 1, 2009
Happy New Year to all of our friends and family!
Today, we made yearly goals/resolutions. These are our family's resolutions...
Nathan {16 months}: {Baba Mama Dada- that means his resolution is to be talking better by the end of the year}
Susanna {age 3}: Play with Daddy and Read my ABC's
Elisabeth {age 4}: Start school with the older kids!
Leah {age 5}: I just want to play and go swimming!
Michael {age 7}: Play soccer better!
Hannah {age 8}: Take horseback riding lessons!
Stephanie {almost 30! Ack!}: Finally learn how to play the guitar
Jeff {33!}: To make no New Year's Resolutions!
I am opening it back up again and going to post all the blog posts I originally meant to post but couldn't earlier!
So...
January 1, 2009
Happy New Year to all of our friends and family!
Today, we made yearly goals/resolutions. These are our family's resolutions...
Nathan {16 months}: {Baba Mama Dada- that means his resolution is to be talking better by the end of the year}
Susanna {age 3}: Play with Daddy and Read my ABC's
Elisabeth {age 4}: Start school with the older kids!
Leah {age 5}: I just want to play and go swimming!
Michael {age 7}: Play soccer better!
Hannah {age 8}: Take horseback riding lessons!
Stephanie {almost 30! Ack!}: Finally learn how to play the guitar
Jeff {33!}: To make no New Year's Resolutions!
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